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There are six basic emotions, according to Daniel Goleman and his theory of Emotional Intelligence: joy, disgust, sadness, fear, anger and surprise. They are considered neither positive nor negative; but they are all valid and each and every one of them gives us relevant information about ourselves.
In this case, we are going to focus on fear and how it conditions us and therefore can limit, in a certain way, the proper development of our sons and daughters. On our site we answer this frequently asked question ... How can I prevent my fears from conditioning my child?
Fear is what we feel in a situation that we consider dangerous. Be it a real or imaginary event. Also, like the rest of emotions, let us remember that this part of the subject's subjectivity, of his own experience. A child is afraid when he has a nightmare, for example, another may be afraid to ride a bicycle ..., what fear comes to teach and inform us, It is that we believe that we have certain limitations or lack of resources to face a situation.
And I say we believe, because in most cases it is a limiting belief. If you have seen the Canta movie, if not, I recommend it to watch with your children, you will remember when Meena, the elephant, faces her own fear singing in the theater for a large audience. He sang, afraid, but he sang.
On many occasions fear limits us, paralyzes us, because as I have commented before, it warns us that, according to our beliefs, we do not have all the resources to face this situation.
Having said all this, it is frequent that mothers, being the ones who generally spend more time with their children, and fathers, unconsciously limit a more autonomous development and fearlessness in their children.
When a mother sees that her son begins to climb a tree, she often says: "get down from there, you're going to fall." In this way he is limiting his ability, he is telling him that I don't trust you She is taking it for granted that she is going to fall, and it is very likely that this is because the one who is really afraid of the fall, is the mother or the father. The fear that something will happen to our children is normal, but we must manage this fear so as not to condition them and that they can discover their own abilities and trust themselves.
I invite you to go back in time and remember how you were on your new adventures, on your first day at school, in your new vacation spot ..., and assess whether that is what you want for your sons and daughters or if on the contrary, you want to improve it. If you consider that the second is the best option, I give you some clues:
- Trust your son or daughter. They are more capable than we think.
- Do not run to a fall that does not seem serious. And do not pick him up immediately, take care of him where he fell, at his height. Surely he alone, with your support, can get up.
- Faced with a new situation for him or her, do not impose your help, yes offer it to him for when he considers the need.
- Warn him to take care of himselfBe careful and hold on tight, for example, in the park, avoid expressions: "you're going to fall" or "that swing scares me."
- Remember the saying: prepare your son or daughter for the road, not the road for them. It is inevitable that our children encounter setbacks and difficulties in their day to day, that is why we must train and give them self-confidence.
- And finally, don't forget that the example It is not the best way to teach, but the only way. If our children see that we are paralyzed by our fears, that is what they will learn.
You can read more articles similar to How to prevent my fears from conditioning my child, in the category of Fears on site.